Green-Eyed Monster

Merrilee pointed me towards an amazing post by Beth Ravis entitled Greater and Lesser, which explores writing jealousy. I cannot stress how much Beth Ravis’ words struck a chord with me. So I would like to raise my hand in solidarity and admit it: I also suffer from jealousy.

I get jealous of those who are published. I get jealous of those who can build an amazing online following. Now that I’ve finished writing one novel, I’m jealous of those who can edit and rewrite quickly. Of those who write better. I’m jealous of those who have the technical skill to make amazing ebooks and websites. Of those who’ve written multiple novels. Particularly of those older than me with kids and partners and careers and all sorts of things and yet who STILL manage to be more productive.

Those that know me call me a perfectionist, an over-achiever. But whatever I do never feels like enough, because there is always someone out there doing more, and doing it better. Because I will always think of myself as the lonely nerd at school, forever on the outskirts, and there is something not right with me because I cannot attain what others do.

I know this is all rubbish. I know there will always be greater and lesser people. Just, sometimes…. Sometimes it’s hard to remember. And Beth Ravis’ post came at a time when I needed a reminder.

“You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”
– From Desiderata

8 thoughts on “Green-Eyed Monster

  1. That post hit me at a good time too. I think we ALL do this. And it really takes some effort to remember what she points out, that there will always be greater and lesser than we, and we need to focus on where we are right now.

    Solidarity of the Green-Eyed Sisters.

    • I think another problem is no one ever really speaks about it. The comments on that post really struck me too — all of a sudden I thought, “Hey, it’s not just me!” It’s good to know I’m not alone. :-)

      • There have actually been a lot of posts about this in the last month. I made one. Somebody else, I forget who right this second, made one what prompted mine. It’s like the dirty little secret we all carry around.

  2. Nope…don’t see any jealousy here in your post.

    *munches on a cookie while that sinks in*

    You’re using the word ‘jealous’ to hide the real word – insecurity. I know this because of the other words and phrases you used. I see my younger self in you. Face the insecurity and the rest will fall into place.
    How did I conquer the insecurity and wrestle my perfectionist self into place? Age.

    *she says with a twinkle in her eye*

    Don’t wait as long as I did though, Anna.

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