7 Reasons Books Are Like Zombies

  1. Zombies love brains.
    So do books. In fact, books love brains so much that reading can make your brain activity increase, leading to wanting more books, leading to more braininess… Mmm, brains.

  2. Zombies shouldn’t be judged by their external appearance.
    Sure, they’re rotted and decaying, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have hearts. Just like books with crap covers. Don’t blame them.

  3. Zombies should be handled with care.
    Related to #2, zombies can fall apart, losing fingers and eyeballs. Do you want your book’s cover to fall off? To tear the pages? To fold the corners and (gasp!) bend the spine? Don’t do it where I can see you.

  4. Zombies are often more famous after death.
    Excluding zombie celebrities, most zombies are fairly average Joe’s during their human life. But posthumously… that’s another matter entirely. You didn’t think they’d written Pride & Prejudice & Zombies for the lulz, did you?

  5. There are various genres of zombie.
    There’s the classic slow-moving, dim-witted type. The falling-apart type. The I Am Legend wannabe-vampires type. Instant transformation vs long incubation. And in Hungry For You I even chucked in some swimming zombies and zombie swans. You name it, we got it.

  6. The good zombies are infectious.
    It wouldn’t be a good zombie story if only one man was susceptible. The best zombies spread like the PLAGUE. In fact they spread like bestselling books. First one guy’s reading it on the train, then all of a sudden everyone has a copy.

  7. Zombies decay… but last forever.
    One of the coolest things about zombies is their duality: undead, but dying. Books may fall apart, but their stories live on forever.

Can you think of another reason to add to the list?



Courtesy of stock.xchng

LONDON, United Kingdom – A bout of severe, snowy weather has left at least 42 zombies dead as the second snowfall of the year hits the capital. Officials are taking extra precautions to protect the zombies, dozens of whom froze to death on the streets of London during last week alone.

Nearly 300 zombies sought defrosting procedures from University College London Hospital, with scores of hospitals overrun by the heat-seeking undead.

Emergency officials have said many of the zombies are homeless, and desperate for heat and nourishment. 800 shelters have been opened to provide shelter and brain-substitute burgers, but authorities are struggling to communicate with the zombies, whose cognitively impairments are exacerbated by the cold.

Unable to locate the shelters, many zombies are seeking protection in phone booths and tube stations. Oxford Circus and Bond Street stations were indefinitely closed after twelve commuters were injured in a zombie incident. All twelve have been inoculated and will be under quarantine for 72 hours.

The extreme weather comes at a bad time for undead rights group ZombieAid, who are currently lobbying Parliament to classify zombies as ‘non-human persons’ in order to accord them with basic human rights.

Police are appealing the public to keep zombie relatives indoors and to take care when travelling through the city.